and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
