Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
