Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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