Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
