Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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