We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
