What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize