I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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