im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
