I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
