i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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