You're my little dorito
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize