69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
