Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
