i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
