Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
