Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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