Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize