My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
