I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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