R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
