my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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