He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
