It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
