The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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