Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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