He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
