Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
