I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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