If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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