Ambien. No doubt about it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
