i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
