There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
