I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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