y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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