$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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