that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
