I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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