I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
