You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
