Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
