i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Randomize