Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
