She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
