I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
