We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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