We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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