I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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