I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
