How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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