I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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