I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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