maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
