you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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