he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
