Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
