We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
