if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
