I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
