Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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