he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize