is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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