You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's always time for handjobs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
May the power of my ass compel you!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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