bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
