Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
