it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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