I must be too annoying 4 u.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
