pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
