Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude. I can hear the air.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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