I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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