i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
