If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
