I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize