Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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