halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
