im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
