I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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