My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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