i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
