Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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