you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize