Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sober January is a disaster.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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