The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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