I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
