how can u be prego again
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
