i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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