I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
